The Dance of Two Men: On Knowing How and When to Love (Part 1 of 5)

I have always heard Umang, my friend and co-founder of Mr n Mr say this: “A relationship is like a dance; you will find your own rhythm.” Queer relationships have their own textures: beautiful, sometimes complex. Umang’s dance metaphor fits beautifully, especially in queer relationships where traditional roles are less defined. This perfectly answers many questions posed by gay men and the members of Mr n Mr.

Love between two men is its own kind of dance—intimate, searching, and sometimes unsure. There are no traditional steps to follow, no set music playing in the background (not a typical Bollywood romance scene). You make your own rhythm as you start and move ahead. One moment, you are moving in perfect sync; the next moment, you are out of rhythm and stepping on each other’s feet, just to learn again what closeness means.

In this dance, timing matters. You can’t rush into it just because you’re tired of dancing alone. You wait not out of fear, but out of respect for your own readiness and also the readiness of your dance partner. You wait until you can stand on your own, feel the music of your life clearly, and invite someone in not to fill your silence, but to share it. You’re not seeking someone to fix or complete your steps but to keep dancing with you. You know the person is right for you when the rhythm feels natural, when you no longer count the steps or question if you’re doing it right. You just move. Two men learning to love each other isn’t about who leads or follows; it’s about listening. It’s about trust that even when the music changes, you will find your way back to the same beat.

Matching is easy; moving forward is where real connection begins. In today’s world, especially for queer men, matching can feel like a moment of validation. It’s like a ping, a dopamine hit, a brief reminder that someone out there sees you, maybe even desires you. But that’s the surface. It is the chemistry in pixels. The real work, the beautiful, uncertain, human part, begins only after that. Because a match isn't a connection; it's potential. 

A lot is to be blamed on how we have been conditioned by dating apps; these apps make it seem like ‘compatibility’ is just a swipe away, and we all fall prey to the ‘illusion of instant compatibility.’ You share a few interests, maybe a few jokes, and it feels like the start of something real. But shared attraction is not the same as shared rhythm. The truth is, you only start to understand someone once you begin to move through conversation and navigate through time, through how you both can handle silence and can handle the differences and the desires. The easy part is liking the version of each other that’s curated and confident. The harder part is meeting the human, the one with doubts, habits, history, and vulnerability.

What’s important at this stage is to move forward from a place of curiosity and not performance. The goal isn’t to rush to impress or overanalyze every word, but to stay genuinely interested in getting to know the other person. Build your conversations around questions that open space, questions that invite stories, reflections, and authenticity. And above all, remember to be patient. Real connection takes time to unfold; it can’t be forced or hurried. Here, I must put forward a word of caution to you. Please understand that you’ve just become a part of someone’s life, a life that already has its own pace, priorities, and routines. You’re stepping into a rhythm that existed long before you arrived. It takes time for two lives to start weaving together naturally.

I will come back to you all soon… and continue this series of queer relationships, building up from the wisdom of my wise friend Umang, who has created such a beautiful safe space and a process that he believes in.  Thanks for reading