Am I Relationship Ready?

It was another one of the evening online meets at Mr and Mr organized by the co-founder, Umang Sheth. The topic was centred around ‘navigating in a relationship’ in an insightful discussion with Suyash Karangutkar, Psychologist (Clinical Specialization, Mumbai). I, along with Anubhav Sharma, agreed to moderate some parts of the discussion and reflections. There was a good turnout of 25 registered members. The flow of the event this time was curated with some factual, hard-hitting, and reflective discussion points around gay relationships. We are all part of the platform, which is helping gay men to meet their potential matches and partners. But there is one crucial aspect that I feel needs to be really deliberated upon. “Are we relationship ready?” I spoke about the same in the meeting and thought of putting some of my thoughts to the larger audience to ponder upon. 

For decades, our Bollywood films have portrayed love as grand, dramatic, and all-consuming, filled with destiny, sacrifice, and picture-perfect romance. These stories often set unrealistic expectations: that love should feel magical at all times, that soulmates exist, or that passion alone can overcome all obstacles. In reality, relationships are far more nuanced. They grow through communication, respect, effort, and emotional maturity. Bollywood’s influence isn’t entirely negative; it has also taught generations to value emotion, commitment, and the beauty of connection. But to truly thrive in love, we need to separate cinematic fantasy from everyday reality and learn to love people for who they are, not for how they fit into our imagined story.

For a lot of us, the journey to love starts late, not because we don’t want it, but because so much of our early life was spent hiding rather than becoming. Many gay men grow up without healthy models of queer relationships, and our first experiences of love often happen in secrecy, online, or in spaces that prioritize attraction over emotional connection. So, when it comes to being relationship-ready, it’s not just about wanting a partner; it's about unlearning shame, redefining masculinity, and understanding what intimacy, trust, and vulnerability truly mean for us.

Our guest speaker, Suyash (left), in conversation with our co-founder, Umang (right).

Sometimes we don’t truly fall in love with a person. We fall in love with the idea of them. The way they make us feel, the fantasy we build around who they could be, or the story we want our love to tell. It’s easy to mistake admiration, attraction, or emotional comfort for genuine connection. When we love the idea of love itself, we project our desires onto someone rather than seeing them as they are. Real love begins when the illusion fades and we choose to embrace the person, not our version of them.

Many gay men reach a point where we pause and ask these very things: Am I ready for love or just longing for connection? Being “relationship ready” isn’t simply about wanting companionship; it’s about having done the inner work to create emotional space for someone else’s reality to coexist with ours. It means being ready to share not just joy and intimacy, but also vulnerability, compromise, and the unpredictability of another human being’s needs and truths.

Many of us dream of being in love but rarely pause to imagine what living that love truly looks like—the ordinary, sometimes messy, often unglamorous parts of sharing life with another person. Have I thought about what it means to share a bed and a morning routine? To compromise over habits, moods, or silence? To see my partner at their weakest or to let them see me at mine? To make space for another body, another rhythm, another way of being in the world?

Real love begins in these small, quiet moments. It’s not just about passion or compatibility, but about comfort, patience, and care. Relationship readiness isn’t proven in grand gestures; it’s in the willingness to live with someone, not just for someone. To accept that love is as much about tending to the flu as it is about planning the future.

It asks of us to move beyond loneliness, fantasy, or validation, and instead, make room for something real. To invite someone into our lives not as a missing piece, but as a whole person walking beside us. Maybe the real question isn’t just “Am I ready for a relationship?” but “Am I ready to be seen, accepted, and changed by love?”

Before we can build something lasting with someone else, we have to ask: Have I healed enough to let someone in? Do I want love, or just the comfort of being desired? Relationship readiness isn’t about age or experience; it's about emotional awareness, self-acceptance, and the willingness to meet someone from a place of authenticity rather than need.

Many of the members also expressed an important question: “Do I need to change to fall in love?” No, you don’t need to change to fall in love, but love will almost certainly change you. The difference is important. You shouldn’t have to reshape your core to be loved; real love recognizes and embraces who you already are. But when love is genuine, it naturally invites growth, it softens your edges, stretches your patience, teaches you empathy, and mirrors back parts of yourself you hadn’t seen before.

If you find yourself asking, “Do I need to change?” maybe the deeper question is, “Am I open to growing?” Growth is love’s quiet companion, not forced, not demanded, but chosen. You don’t change to be loved; you evolve because you love.

I will cover some more aspects later… this is all for now… Thanks for reading.